30 Haziran 2019, Cumartesi
saat: 01:32
I have so much to write but no emotional energy to spend on it at the moment. I am trying to process the week, the month, the year. I am trying to process the changes, and the emotions that always come along with change. What is that I have felt? I have felt frustrated, tired, overwhelmed. I have felt the paved road under my feet run out and turn to gravel. I have also felt joy, gratitude, peace. I have been around people that make me feel genuinely loved and safe.
I told someone earlier that old saying the only constant is change, and it is an old saying for the reason all old sayings are. It behaves like poetry—its energy flows through a nerve of our human condition. Soon you find yourself repeating the lines to others. Poetry and those old sayings are there to remind us, and sometimes they are there to strike us. Those sayings there as comfort. The knowing that we all feel at least a little bit just like this at some time, somewhere, in some, only slightly different way.
It was my mother who taught me the importance of being able to adapt. It was my mother who used to tell me that I either sink or I swim but that the water only gets deeper from here. This was as I grew up. Now I’m 30, and I wish there was a shoreline to reach. It’s okay if there isn’t. I make do with my little islands, the good moments. I am present but jump back in when it’s time. I rarely put up a fuss. I rest. I recharge. I refuse stress. Tomorrow I will wake up and make a new schedule that keeps in mind all that is different and all that always stays the same. I’ll sort it out. I’ll feel better for doing so. This is life — that constant reconfiguration.
