16 Ekim 2020, Perþembe
saat: 05:45

BUSY but good week at work!!! so much going on all of a sudden but man i would pick busy over bored any day... but I am feeling a little bit restless/anxious/keyed-up today so I’m gonna map out the week before i shower & get ready for dinner with A.

Ummm, okay, let’s see. tomorrow I just have my upper level class and a disciplinary committee meeting in the afternoon and then I’m going to use the rest of the day lesson planning for next week. B. is coming to observe my class on Qutb this week, so I need to bring my A game there & cannot spend too much time preparing for my intro class. I think that we will either do our country reports day (which will require some additional research/thinking on my part, but not a ton) OR I will go the easier route and have them do some collective brainstorming & workshopping in their learning communities. or I guess a third option is doing a model projects-only day where we are looking at and discussing a bunch of different projects using some of the frameworks we’ve learned so far. actually, I think that might be the direction I go? that way I can start to sneakily address some of the knowledge gaps and points of confusion I’m noticing in the groups, but it will feel more fun/relaxed for them because they are getting to look only at projects and don’t have to do any dense readings. plus I can start introducing some of these ideas about regime transitions, democratic consolidation, and authoritarian governing mechanisms into existing structures, etc., to help them think about diff forms their projects could take.

This level of planning makes me happy because I feel like getting to track students’ growth over time just helps me worry so much less about my own individual achievement. like honestly, who (other than the faculty status committee) CARES how many articles I publish or how many academic conferences I present at when I get to do all this hands-on work every day that feels deeply fulfilling and practical. and the things I create I can share in ways that are more meaningful to me, like passing on ideas or materials to other professors, or working with students to put conference panels together, or creating resources that can circulate within my department.

That's probably the most amazing thing about where I am in my career - I’ve worked now with some of these students for 2-3 years and I can SEE this really tangible record of all the things they’ve tried and accomplished because I’ve gently nudged them in that direction—and also, of course, all the ways they’ve grown that only have a little to do with me, but that I’ve gotten to bear witness to over the course of that teaching/mentoring relationship. it is deeply satisfying to feel like you have contributed—even in a small way—to what a college education should ideally be: a collective effort to equip young humans with some of the skills and experiences and ethical frameworks they need to go forth into the world as responsible, capable, caring adults.

HMMM not sure if i ever managed to get clear in my own mind about what i was trying to say here but it’s ok, sometimes it is good to let yourself write through something for a bit, and maybe the ideas just need more time to simmer in the back of my brain before i can write my way to understanding. no use beating myself up over anything though -it’s not productive. I’m not doing terribly at all - especially with the extra weight thrust on me this week. I'll keep working to do better - that’s the way always. I’m grateful I don’t currently have any issue with feeling motivated, here’s to using it correctly, here’s to another day done & here’s to tomorrow.