13 Nisan 2021, Salý
saat: 17:57
Trying to be “okay” when the only way you can recognize you are not “okay” is because you’re struggling to make yourself do things that you want to do is a trip but we stay trying. We all have our ways of coping. Mine is just so up in my head. I feel hardly a thing but I think about it randomly. It's a bit of a specter floating around my consciousness. My schedule is thrown. My routines are scattered. It's tough for me to fall out of them. I feel all out of order when it happens.
But I would like to just not think about the things I am thinking about lately. I’m exhausted in a way so different from what is usual for me. I am finding it hard to start. Trying though, each day. Still having dreams of all kinds that I don’t want. Trying to shake them off each morning. It’s not fun right now. I’m not having fun right now. I keep thinking one day it’ll click back together - I’ll mend. Things will be how they were. Who knows. Who knows.
At some point that year we renounced activities that assumed the existence of a viable future.
