26 Ocak 2012, Perşembe
saat: 01:44
olivia.
yeah that would have been funny.
-i am glad you are doing better.
-i am doing... yeah ok see you soon.
i am simply afraid it's all for nothing you know, because i have this nihilistic view of life that i try really hard to ignore most of the time. i am afraid that there is no meaning at all, that we are lumps of organic matter dancing around for a bit and then we die and decay. what if there is no karma? what if there is nothing to learn here, or even if there was that lesson is simply useless as in we are all going to die anyway? what if everything doesn't happen for a reason, and i am feeling shitty because i am feeling shitty and there is nothing worthy coming out of that? what if all the rules and morality and ethics don't mean shit but are designed to make you feel better about yourself just for a bit?
oh by the way, i discovered i do actually have morals and rules and principles. i doubted i didn't have any.
he killed me with three simple words.
she is happy.
how can you stop being upset at something that you know you shouldn't be upset about? like someone else's happiness? why does it bother me so much? or more importantly, how do i fucking make it go away?
