08 Eylül 2014, Pazartesi
saat: 09:02
I might or might not be playing "hard to understand", but I guess to some extent, you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night or nobody to devote your emotions or time to. Your thoughts echo through your head instead, with no one to share them with. After a point, you stop expecting to turn around to open arms -- but it is fine, believe me, it's completely and perfectly fine. All these books and years of experience taught me that you had to stop relying on others to make you happy, and that you had to have yourself first before anyone else could. And hence the saying, “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude” and Dr. Seuss verses on loneliness:
"All alone! Whether you like it or not
Alone is something you'll be quite a lot!"
So I think I am doing a good job at passing off my desperate loneliness as personal growth.
On a totally irrelevant note, though, one of the best feelings in life must be discovering that you are appreciated by someone regardless of how unworthy someone else has made you feel.
So many mixed feelings and contradictory emotions for such a standard size, regular-blood-pressure-and-normal-pulse-rate heart.
