20 Ekim 2014, Pazartesi
saat: 02:52
Does anybody want some feelings, I think I have too many!
Eventually someone will figure you out. They’ll see through your exterior and decide you are wonderful. They’ll love the things you don’t like about yourself and they’ll inspire confidence. They’ll resuscitate feelings you forgot you had, or maybe never considered before. Don’t fall for this. They can’t possibly love you. The feelings are false. This person is probably delusional. They have been mislead. It’s those new shoes you wore, it’s that funny joke you told, that honesty you showed, the way you looked at them that night. Fuck fuck fuck.
A person is starting to really care about you. You’ve tried to rationalize it away but you can’t anymore. You can literally feel them loving you. They might be crazy but they’re really convinced! Consider this instead of sleeping. Write it down in your private journal. Realize that love might actually be real for you too, against all odds. Try to fight this feeling because it goes against everything you’ve worked so hard for. “My mantra sucks and so do I.” Say it three times. Look in the mirror and try to hate your reflection. Stop smiling. Stop fucking smiling.
Turn on the radio. Pop songs are starting to make sense. Every song is real. Fuck! Turn off the radio. Go outside. The sun is shining and there’s a breeze. Something smells wonderful. Everything reminds you of the new feelings. Your brain starts making new connections between things and ideas. Snap, snap, snap snap snap. Everything leads back to them. New socks, scrambled eggs, polka dots, anything. Look at yourself in the mirror. You’re still a little ugly but it doesn’t matter anymore. You’re still an idiot but it’s different now. Sit on the floor of the shower and let the water pour over your mediocre body and laugh. Everything is hilarious. Life is your mantra now. Everything is reaffirming. It's not all sunshine and roses, but a good amount of it actually is.
