29 Ekim 2014, Çarşamba
saat: 07:04
So, here we sit. My own version of dating at my worst. So far the entire experience has been maddening, exhilarating, confusing, gratifying and about a hundred other emotions. We have already begun to talk about all of the things I hate about myself, and I am forcing myself to think about it positively. To be honest, I have never met a man before who has called me out on my “issues,” and has still wanted to be with me. The constructiveness is insane. The workability of our respective insecurities is amazing. The feeling of so-much-like that could eventually become a this-could-be-an-everlasting-love is scarier than a horror movie, and above all, the high-risk situation that is all relationships is just…counter-intuitive. Shudder. Cringe. I have never felt this much appreciated in a relationship. For the first time in my life, a boyfriend gave me flowers "just because". I didn’t think I was the sort of girl who would flip out over getting a beautiful bouquet of flowers for no reason at all, but I realized that I am. It was an old school romantic gesture that made me giddy. Where was this in middle school? In college? So now, at 26 years old, I feel like I am starting new. Is that a thing? Is that something everyone goes through? I guess because I never went through that angsty “find myself” period, this is my karma. But things get better, right? Gotta have roots before branches. I think this will make me better. It has to. Ah. These feelings were supposed to be asleep by now.
