27 Mayıs 2016, Cuma
saat: 09:20
Mixed feelings.. mostly blues.
Things are going down.
Actually, it's not like I don't wanna leave here, I actually do wanna leave here and it is the time... BUT... I'm still afraid of change.
I'm afraid of what they call the cross-cultural shock because.. man... I know it will hit.
And it will hit fucking hard. And I know nobody will understand what I am missing here. Not my parents, not my Turkish friends (friends? Do I even have Turkish friends anymore?), and maybe not even J.
You know why? because they did not go through what I have been through. Same story, just at the next level...
They did not change the way I changed. They did not fail the way I failed. And they did not succeed the way I succeeded. They did not see what I have seen. And they did not fear the way I feared.
Do you see where I am going with this?
This is the end of it. This is the end of one big chapter here. The biggest so far. The greatest so far.
Do you see how I slowly realize that my life here is over? That it will never be the same?
I will miss my friends. I will miss my town. I am not gonna be lame and write down every little thing that I will miss here but...
---
Have you ever worked out so hard that the next day all the muscles that you did not even know were there hurt as fuck... it's exactly how it is. I know will miss every single detail that I had in my life here that I didn't even know exist.. every single detail will hurt, I know man...
Just like my neighbor said: it is exactly as dramatic as it sounds.
But why is it always have to be like this? I mean why do we always love something first and then have to face losing it?
Or is it that like we just happen to realize how much we love something right when we lose it?
Probably it's more the second.
J. said things are changing and we are not prepared.
But how should we be prepared?
It is life here that is happening. Right here, right now.
There you go in 5 words: You cannot live life prepared.
Shit is going to happen.
