21 Nisan 2019, Pazar
saat: 09:12
The rain has stopped now. It’s 11:50 pm & I should go to sleep soon. I’m beginning to feel better, more able once again. I am beginning to feel as I seem to those around me. it vacillates internally. sometimes I feel as if one more thing might snap my string-- it never does. I come through with my frayed rope intact. I don’t get listened to very often when it comes to personal matters (academic/scholarly work is another story - that's when I talk a lot and people actually pay attention), but a few people really listen to me when I need to rant, so when I call one of those people, I speak sometimes for hours. I monologue, they jump in, they guide, they engage, they ask, they allow. & every thought, every feeling, every opinion, every idea is expressed. I get to jump from one cliff to another cliff to another. I get to know when the rocks are giving way, beginning to shatter. I get to figure myself out and I get to be understood. I value that I have anyone at all to listen to me, because sometimes we have no one who will, and because I am not the one who feels as if anything that has happened in the personal realm really matters that much to myself much less anyone else.
