26 Mayýs 2019, Pazar
saat: 10:19
Accidentally doing so much travel this spring that I didn't have longer than 4 days at home in the past month?? It’s the year of workshops and also I went from 1 spring conference to like 4, it's exciting but.. oops! This weird universe that I love is everywhere all at once. And so am I, everywhere in my mind—thinking. Think of the dodged bullets. Think of the warmth. Thankful for all of it. Quiet prayers. These moments all alone in the world and it is so perfect to be all alone in this world. A lesser being so small next to me. I want to care for him & I sincerely want to write some new articles with J. She has a perfect mind and we can do a great job together. I’m growing so dissatisfied with every piece that is an older piece. But, will I ever have the time?
Yes. I should be asleep & I will be asleep very soon. But oh my God. I think about it all. Think about the way this world moves. Yes, I will sleep and I should have already fallen with how poorly I feel. I’ve worked myself to this point. Tomorrow I will work myself harder. And it will go on and on and on. That’s delightful isn’t it? There are still many more days of failure ahead, whole seasons of failure, things will go terribly wrong, I will have huge disappointments, but I have to prepare for that, I have to expect it and be resolute and follow my own path. I may actually be going nowhere, but there is the sensation of forward motion — something to anticipate, a reason for being, a distraction from larger existential questions like “What is everything?” and “What am I doing here?”
“Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.”
(Lemony Snicket- The Beatrice Letters)
