12 Mart 2020, Perşembe
saat: 18:34
went out to balcony, smelled the air, and looked thru the endless fields sleeping next to mountains that surrounds the village. the moon was resting in the dew droplets on grasses and leaves and was shining thru the night. as the morning breeze of the dark night flowed thru them, the light sparkles were flying thru the sky as if they were fireflies burning in silver.
looked up in the sky. the clouds were running one after each other as if they wanted to tell him "time flies".
"indeed" he answered them silently. "time flies indeed". there started an unknown bird shouting thru the night in order to inform all nature that the sun was on her way to enlighten the day.
"must be around 4.30" he thought. "4.30" He found it strange because it meant just 2.5 hours of sleep he had yet he was not feeling tired at all. there ran away a cat thru the grasses from his side suddenly. stopped and looked back at him right in the eye for a while without moving.
he just felt frozen afterwards, and repeated "time flies indeed".
he felt like crying but the years that had passed didnt let him. It was something decided before he was born, or this was what he wanted to believe in order to fight the pain inside. "The fate brings the most bitter joy sometimes" he murmured, "and sometimes there is no chance of choosing joy or pain because they all are the same".
Then looked thru the fading moon as the sky got lighter, remembered the old days, almost as old as his eldest child, who has a 6 year old daughter, now. "Did I even have a chance to choose" he asked himself, although he did know the answer.
Fate, was what he believed. If they were meant to be together, they wouldnt have met that late, was what he believed when he convinced himself that he didnt have a chance to choose, years ago.
however, after unknown many years, on a late summer day in september, he still was able to remember her, just because a run away cat looked into his eyes as if she still was trying to remind herself to him. "had she ever liked me" he thought for a while again. May be if he was sure of her, he also might have believed that he had a chance to choose.
"was a beautiful game, tho.. full of the bitter taste of joy." he thought. took his coat on, and left home to walk thru the woods with the dream of her next to him in a world where he could have had a chance to choose, as the sun was spreading her feathers here and there in the morning sky after the very same moment the last breathe of her reached him within the eyes of a run away cat.
