30 Nisan 2020, Çarþamba
saat: 05:06
Recovering from what life has been - recovering from the last years - returning more whole-heartedly to myself.
I have been trying for the past little while to do what is good for me, for us, for my students, and to pay more attention to that. I’ve been trying to work back up to what I want myself in this life to be and this self-imposed quarantine has definitely helped. Now I wake up and make coffee and read something about current events. I listen to an audiobook about history while getting ready for my Zoom meetings during the day. A. makes some delicious omelet for breakfast. I go to the class/meeting and I get through the day of trying to soothe others' anxiety and stimulate their desire to learn. I grade, respond to e-mails, and call my parents. I spend a little time with my French studies. I clean and tidy up more while listening to something relaxing. I spend a little time reading. I look at webinars and workshops for ten or so minutes to help plan what professional development opportunity I might want to take a part in - to give me a little bite of the future. We have dinner and chat with the kitty. We try to do one thing of entertainment - like watch a show or spend an hour playing a game of some sort or read a little before bed - before I pass out in exhaustion. I’ve yet to reach getting enough sleep. And I’ve yet to return to the levels of focus that I am used to being able to tap into. I’m trying to build. And I feel genuinely better than I have in years. I’m grateful. And I’m trying now to learn from the turtle. There is a balance to be struck - respect to be given to what is slow and what must be while still honoring my vitality. And I’m walking, not running, toward it - trying to incorporate myself with what I need. Trying to catch my breath. Training myself again for each marathon - each long-distance swim.
"So all is not lost.
The window still reveals a piece of the city,
a piece of almost available sky."
(Yannis Ritsos)
