07 Ağustos 2020, Perşembe
saat: 03:00
Having one of those weeks where it’s just exhausting and so goddamn tedious to be in my own head. I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, not because I am sad but because I feel paralyzed by the task of having to make decisions about what my day is going to look like: where to submit the paper, how to design the LMS, what changes to make to the other paper before the R & R deadline, and so on.
I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I waste a lot of it. I try not to, but I’m mostly sad on most days and so I really ought to just suck it up, do things anyway, with full acceptance that I’m just going to keep feeling bad.
Most desperately, I am someone who likes to block out their days in terms of hours. A certain block of hours for this. A certain block of hours for that. I like knowing what I’m doing from x o’clock to y o’clock. This semester however is not amenable to that kind of structure, no matter what I try. And I’m just going to have to roll with it. This will be an interesting experiment of my flexibility.
