19 Eylül 2020, Cumartesi
saat: 18:26
It is a shame for anyone to feel wholly responsible for the happiness of everyone or even anyone. Even though acts of service are not my love language I cannot do nothing at all. I cannot only receive. Because it is how he speaks his love: "Here. I’ve provided for you. Here. I’ve toiled for us."
And I am so sure of what ideal love is to me, so very sure that it is not chaos, fervor, disrespect, resentment, disdain, pity, manipulation, sacrifice. I am very sure that it does not induce anxiety or constant despair. I am sure that in it exists no imbalance of power. I'm quite sure that it is really rather dull. Straightforward. Simple. Purposeful. Nontoxic. Nonstaining. I am sure it does nothing to cut me down to inspect and detest and rather that it magnifies myself and the life I lead. I really don't keep very well in anything else, anything less. I can go a bit rotten with those who do not know the actions of love, of care. It's like Alice and the rabbit hole. No matter how much you've grown and developed and learned if you get to close to anyone toxic, you will eventually be sucked in to spiral down with them. And I am just very very very thankful for all in my life who return this energy to me and love me in a manner that can be sustained, who maintain the bonds, who stride with steady and unwavering pace, who problem-solve with me, who see it all, who see me truly and make a choice and that be that. Weightless and free even in the responsibility for one another and for the self as always. No burden. No pain.
