01 Kasım 2020, Pazar saat: 20:19 Bad times lately. The stress of recent events won out despite my best efforts and I got way too worked up over something that's probably innocuous. We lost power for two days due to the tropical storm and the earthquake was the first text I got in the morning after. So the past several days I've been pretty unable. Unable to do much other than the absolute musts and then otherwise reading the news to death and feeling upset. It's silly really. I have so much power over my triggers and yet we all seem to forget once the pain dissipates just how easily it can return. I’ve tried all day to concentrate, to be productive. I’ve tried to push the worrisome news that parents went back home and that there were still aftershocks. I’ve thought too much. I’ve tried to not think. I’ve worried about everyone I’ve ever known ... and their families ... and their friends. I’ve tried to not worry. I’ve felt angry. I’ve tried to not feel angry. I’ve tried to not be angry at the man who thinks those who do not share his religious agenda deserve to die. I’ve tried to not be angry about how easy performative essays on ethics are to write when you aren’t responsible for lives. I’m absolutely useless to help or do anything because I’m far away. I hate this feeling. I hate this. On standby. That’s about all I can be. A big sigh and then we carry on. larissa