24 Ağustos 2021, Salı saat: 20:08 Okay, well, I’ve been doing course prep stuff without pause for the past couple of days. In that time I have done the following things: 1-created the provisional fall schedule with dates, topics, and proposed guest speakers for each week and switched out a few from last year that I didn’t love. I still need to finalize the model projects we’ll be looking at each week -- I have a pretty good sense but I do want to more carefully comb through my lesson plans and create specs for individual assignments. i am going to have a PROTOCOL so that i don’t feel even the slightest bit of guilt about moving to the next stage of disciplinary action. no more wasted emotional energy!!! 2- dealt with scheduling headaches and requested a meeting with the Study Away office. 3- updated the fall semester learning outcomes and guiding questions. 4- answered a bunch of admin emails and applied for a GER credit for the course I am teaching -for the first time- this semester. 5- reorganized the LMS and uploaded the readings & assignments. 6- sent my first ‘course expectations’ email to students and 'advisee responsibilities' email to advisees! it was a little scary but also strangely liberating to just be like ‘actually, I’ve spent most of this week creating a syllabus and setting the goals, so why don’t you spend some time thinking about whether you want to be in this course or not. no hard feelings if you just want to take the exit ramp now.’ this is part of my new 2021-22 commitment to having high expectations and enforcing clear, consistent standards without apologizing for it. 7- organized my files and created a folder for my mid-tenure review. i am going to document EVERYTHING, not taking any chances with that one. 8- collapsed on the floor and wrote this list. Classes start tomorrow and I woke up this morning feeling physically sick with dread over the thought of it. Honestly, the intensity with which I fear large groups of strange people in social situations must hearken back to middle school or something because my underlying fear basically boils down to Will They Be Cooler Than Me And Mean To Me Because Of It. I keep reminding myself that it is going to be FINE literally everyone is Cooler than me and I have not died of it yet. Oh, also.. I am a teyze again: S. had a baby a couple of weeks ago and I am feeling surprisingly emotional aout it. It is SUCH a fascinating experience to talk to her about it/watch her go through the process and I am glad Auntie S. is there with me and support me as I cry happy tears from time to time. I am just so intensely grateful. I have my mind, my body, my loved ones, my research, my projects, my work, my security. “The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, sometimes rather in spite of ourselves.” – Victor Hugo larissa