02 Mayýs 2022, Pazar
saat: 03:17
I know world politics is soul-crushing and academia is losing its importance and legitimacy in the eyes of many, and I am aware that all my effort and passion may come to naught, but: never do I feel calmer, happier, more engaged, more full of hope, or more invested in my relationships with others than when I am reading student reflections and thinking about improvements/new assignments that can enhance the impact of those lessons learned. This is the work for me, whether students appreciate it or not in the end!
Some positives:
A student did some really thoughtful reflection aloud on a challenging thing that happened during the research process and then afterwards he was like "sigh. and I had to do the work to learn the thing, didn’t I? there wasn’t any other way to learn it. it had to be like that." and I was like "afraid so" and he was like "I knew it. but you know what I’m glad I did it. because next time it won’t be new and I’ll know how to handle it." I feel like this student has really grown by leaps and bounds in his ability to engage in thoughtful metacognitive reflection this year and also it’s always just cool to watch a kid go into something feeling Unshakably Confident in their beliefs and then come out of it being like "hmm. world is complicated, isn’t it?!"
I got a thank you card from a student I worked with last year and thought was so kind/thoughtful and he just got accepted to a master’s program in his state in the exact field he wanted to be in & in a place where he’ll be able to work with professors of practice and get ready for the Foreign Service exams! He specifically thanked me because he wanted to show how much my gentle nudge ("why don't you minor in this area? You'll be good at it!") and our research project made a difference! I’m so happy for him and it was so gratifying to hear his good news!
Some negatives:
Agh, I don’t want to rehash all the negatives here but I’ll focus on what I am trying to learn/take from the experience:
(1) It is not my job to make sure every student succeeds at everything they attempt. It is my job to provide structure, consistent support, and regular feedback as they learn. But ultimately students have to make their own choices about what to prioritize and how much effort to put into things, and if they make conscious, repeated choices not to prioritize something, it is NOT MY JOB to step in at the last minute and frantically fix everything for them so that they don’t fail.
(2) People need to learn from logical consequences. I need to be okay with letting students fall flat on their faces if that is a logical outcome of the choices they made (and if they repeatedly ignored feedback and failed to course correct at the many chances they were given). It is so hard to watch a student crash and burn and not jump in to make it better for them. but then again, they are like, a breath away from being full-fledged adults. They HAVE to learn to take responsibility for themselves and be accountable to other people for their choices. sometimes you gotta learn hard lessons.
(3) It is okay for a student to procrastinate if that’s what they choose to do IF the outcome only affects them. It is NOT okay for them to procrastinate and then panic and make it everyone else’s problem at the last minute. way too many people, myself included, had to drop everything and rush in to rescue this kid in the last three days - that’s not okay.
PHEW, okay. I mean it’s anyone’s guess how much of that is going to stick with me lol but ultimately, I think I have learned that I can't really control what students choose to take from these interactions or how much they are willing to engage in deep reflection about this stuff... All I can really control is how I approach the situation and what I do or address with them in the space of that interaction. and I feel like I did a good job with that this semester (especially with specs grading) or at least like, I got out of it what I wanted to get out of it, and maybe they will learn something from it. WHO EVER KNOWS WHAT THEY LEARN THEY ARE SUCH MYSTERIOUS CREATURES!
blah blah blah no group of people is all one thing or all another thing, and no person is all one thing or all another thing, and I want to just gently be watching my own thinking for moments where I’m putting kids (or whole groups of kids) into boxes and not giving them the space to grow/change/be complex and multifaceted beings (a pedagogical hill I am willing to die on)..
