28 Temmuz 2022, Perþembe
saat: 23:31
The Stress Mounts as the Countdown Dwindles Away
I tried to do my nails, but instead I just measured my stress level by how messed up they got. This trip just induces extreme anxiety re: WHAT IF I MAKE A MISTAKE OH GOD THEY’LL COME TO GET ME & LOCK ME AWAY! I CANNOT MAKE A SINGLE ERROR OR ELSE LIFE COULD BE OVER. EVERYONE BE QUIET. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS I’M PLAYING AT. it is too early for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa to be the mood already but here we are! it’s fine it’s fine aaaaaaa okay it’s fine.
It has been a stressful month and a half!!I I'm feeling insanely antsy about everything and am driving everyone around me crazy with it but can’t stop lol. I want some goddamn CLARITY I want that e-mail saying it's all good but I am trying to accept it isn't going to come…what a weird fucking headspace to be trapped in!!!!
So, in a little over 24 hours, I'll be leaving for a new adventure once again... Let's just say the truth — I’m not packed at all yet. And I haven't finished the "homework" but I hope I can get a lot of work done on that long plane ride and do my the best to catch up. I a lot to do before I leave, including finishing up the final exam, reading some submissions, sending some of my stuff here to A, cleaning, packing, & getting the receipts from the DC trip and submitting them through the stupid Workday. Ugh. trying not to get down about it but it’s hard to motivate myself to pour time into more grading when everything just goes straight into the void.
That summer I did not go crazy
but I wore very close
very close
to the bone.
— Dorothy Allison, from “To the Bone”
